Last week, six-year-old Mason Stonehouse used his dad’s cell phone and the Grubhub app, to order over $1000.00 dollars of food. He ordered 5 plates of 20-piece jumbo shrimp, chicken sandwiches, chili cheese fries, over $400 of pepperoni pizza, ice cream, etc. After the home deliveries just kept coming, the dad, Keith Stonehouse, figured out what had happened. The dad had let his son use his cell phone to play games for thirty minutes before bedtime. Keith found his son hiding under the comforter on his bed. When his dad asked Mason why he did it, Mason replied, “I don’t know, I was hungry.” Well, Mason went to bed hungry that evening. Mason was not going to reap any of the benefits of his misdeeds. His parents also took the $115 in his piggy bank to help pay off the food debt. Obviously, Mason lost his cell phone privileges.
Parenting at times can be very challenging.
The book of Proverbs offers wisdom for parenting the Masons of the world in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
There is an important question to ask regarding this proverb for Mom and Dad, “Is this proverb an ironclad promise that is always true or a general guideline with exceptions?” One of the difficulties in studying the book of Proverbs is answering this question. There are at least two kinds of Proverbs.
1. General guidelines that do have exceptions
Some scholars only mention this characteristic of Proverbs (Jeffrey K. Atrhurs, Preaching with Variety, 136; Leland Ryland, How to Read the Bible as Literature, 124; D. Brent Sandy and Ronald Giese, Jr., Cracking Old Testament Code, 249).
2. Unconditional proverbs that are always true without exceptions
Greg W. Parsons in addition to noting that most of the Proverbs are general guidelines, also notes: The recognition that the Proverbs have limitations does not nullify the fact that some Proverbs may always be true. Frequently these are connected to an attribute or action of God (11:1; 12:22; 15:3; 16:2, 33; 22:2) …. However, ultimately the way to decide whether a proverb is always true or limited to certain circumstances is not by means of a subjective ‘vote’ but by correlating with rest of the biblical canon … the promises of long life, peace, riches, and honor to those who obey the commandment of parents or wisdom teachers in chapter 3 can be clarified by noting Jesus’ life” (Learning from the Sages, 160). Jesus was obedient to his parents and he did not live a long life.
Into which category does Proverbs 22:6 fall? Let’s consider the two types of proverbs in order to answer this question. This is a hermeneutic question for sure. But this is also a question for desperate parents of wayward children who are claiming this verse as a promise that their sinning children will come back to the Lord. One despairing Christian mother told me that her son had broken her heart and now he was crushing the pieces. She is clinging to Proverbs 22:6 to bring back her son. Is Proverbs 22:6 a promise for this weary mother?
First, there are unconditional proverbs that are always true
These Proverbs usually are linked to an attribute or action of God. Such as Proverbs 11:1; 12:22; 15:3. For example, in Proverbs 15:3 the attribute of God’s omnipresence makes it impossible to not be under his watching eye. This is an absolute truth. There are some Proverbs that are not just unconditionally truths but also are unconditional promises such as Proverbs 3:5-6. When we trust in God, He will direct our paths. This is an unconditional promise.
The proverb for mom and dad in Proverbs 22:6 does not fit the description of the unconditional proverb.
Next, there are general guidelines that do have exceptions
A similar modern proverb fits into this category of proverbs: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Is this an unconditional truth or promise that if you eat a piece of fruit every day you will never have to go to the doctor? Obviously no! But it is a general truth that if you eat healthily you will probably go to the doctor less frequently.
There are ancient proverbs like this modern proverb in the Book of Proverbs
The general guideline in 11:14 states: “In the multitude of counselors there is safety.” While this is generally true, Moses did not find safety in the multitude of his twelve spies he sent out in Numbers thirteen. The multitude brought back the wrong counsel to disobey God.
There is another general guideline in 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Jesus did not experience this proverb when he did not answer his accusers in Matthew 27:12-14. His accusers in wrath crucified him.
The general guideline in 22:11 declares if you have a pure heart and gracious words the king will be your friend. James surely had a pure heart and gracious words, and King Herod martyred him in Acts 12.
Proverbs 22:6 is another general guideline. Warren Wiersbe called Proverbs 22:6 a religious “Rabbit’s foot” that Christian parents turn to when their children go astray. Thank God this verse is generally true. There are many dedicated Christian parents who have brought up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and now their offspring are walking with the Lord. But this proverb does not fit the description of the unconditional truth or promise. It is a general guideline that sometimes has exceptions. We are going to examine two exceptions. There is a human exception and there is a divine exception to Proverbs 22:6.
The Human Exception to Proverbs 22:6 found in Ezekiel 18
In Ezekiel 18, Israel has been taken captive in war by the Babylonians. Ezekiel is like an embedded war journalist recording what is happening with the defeated army. The lesson that Ezekiel is teaching in Ezekiel 18 is this: We are responsible for our actions. Mason’s parents taught him this painful lesson. Israel is quoting a popular, false proverb to avoid taking responsibility for their sin in 18:2: “The fathers have eaten sour grapes and the children’s teeth are set on edge.” The imagery is the dad eating sour grapes which cause the children’s teeth to be numb. This false proverb is also quoted by the people of God in Jeremiah 31:29 which shows that this proverb was widespread.
Like most false teaching there is a kernel of truth in it. The kernel of truth is found in Exodus 20:5: “You shall not bow down yourself to them [idols]: for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.” God visits with judgment the third and fourth generations because these children practice the sins of their fathers. Like the fathers, the children “hate” the Lord. God is not punishing innocent children for the sins of the fathers like the Israelites are claiming in Ezekiel 18.
In Ezekiel 18 there are three hypothetical cases. Each hypothetical case begins with “if” in 18:5, 10, and 14. These hypothetical cases are exceptions to Proverbs 22:6. There is a godly father who has an ungodly son. This ungodly son becomes an ungodly father who has a godly son.
The first hypothetical case in 18:5-9: The godly father has an ungodly son.
Why are these cases hypothetical? Because the godly dad is presented as perfect and he has a very ungodly son. This is hypothetical because, first of all, there are no perfect dads as portrayed in Ezekiel 18:5-9. I know a pastor and his wife who are the closest to being perfect as I have ever seen. Yet, two of their children have greatly disappointed them. Secondly, this is hypothetical because this very godly father had a very ungodly son. This is usually not the case. This is an exception to Proverbs 22:6.
The second hypothetical case in 18:10-13: The ungodly son of the godly father.
This ungodly son is the polar opposite of his exemplary father. This son cannot blame anyone but himself for his punishment which is declared in 18:13.
The third hypothetical case in 18:14-17: The ungodly father has a godly son.
The ungodly son grew up to be an ungodly father and had a son who turned out godly. The guideline in Proverbs 22:6 is for godly parents. This is no general principle for wicked parents. This ungodly father had a godly son who was not punished for the sins of his father because the godly son did not repeat the sins of his unbelieving father. Not only are there human exceptions to Proverbs 22:6, but there is also a divine exception in Hosea 11.
The Divine Exception to Proverbs 22:6 found in Hosea 11:1-7
Hosea pictures God as a father patiently and lovingly teaching his young son [Israel] to walk. I remember our older son Timothy learning to walk by putting both hands on the wall of our house as he moved through the house. It took him a long time to get from his bedroom to the living room because he had to keep both hands on the wall as he went through bathrooms and bedrooms on the way to the living room.
All of us parents have tender memories of our small children. I was kneeling down, doing yard work, when Timothy waddled around and came up behind me and gave me his first hug. I still feel the emotion of that first embrace with his little arms. When I would come home from work Zach would run through the house hollering “Daddy is home.” In Hosea 11, God is reminiscing about the time He was teaching Israel His small son to walk. Now, Israel is all grown up and has gone after other gods. God’s figurative son, Israel, was an exception to Proverbs 22:6.
Of course, God’s only Son, the Lord Jesus pleased His Father. At least on two occasions, God the Father shouted from heaven, “That’s my Son!” Twice God the Father audibly declared: “This is my much-loved Son with whom I am very well pleased.”
Proverbs 22:6 is a proverb for mom and dad that can encourage in more than one way. This proverb is generally and most often true. So, train your child in the way he/she should go. But also remember that if you trained up your child in the way he or she should go, it is up to your adult child to choose to follow that training and the Lord. For the heart-sick mother whose son has broken her heart and is now crushing the pieces, she cannot use Proverbs 22:6 as a binding promise. She can, however, join Paul in Romans 10:1 who prayed, “My heart’s desire and prayer for Israel [my relatives] is that they might be saved.” God will hear and answer this prayer by convicting her unsaved child of rejecting Christ and giving that child a desire to be saved.